When this stepdad told his stepdaughter to ask her real father for money, it caused a lot of feelings to get mixed up in their family. The stepdad thought it was a good idea because he was having a hard time with money, but the stepdaughter’s request touched on sensitive topics like loyalty, responsibility, and identity.

The dad told them why he did it.

Elise and I got married 12 years ago. She had a daughter named Ana when she was single, and she is now married to someone else. Our son is 7 years old.

Ana and I have never gotten along, even from the start of our relationship. I don’t know how to stress enough that it’s NOT because I didn’t try. She doesn’t like me at all. She was scared of me when she was young because she “thought I would break up their family.” So I guess that’s progress: now it’s more of a neutral dislike than a strong dislike.

We depend on each other for money because Elise is a stay-at-home mom. I pay for everything for Ana because of this. Food. Things to wear. Costs for volleyball. Field trips. It interests me what she likes to do for fun. I go to her games. There are times when I fail to be a good stepfather, but I do my best.

But it’s really tough. Never giving me more than one word to answer. You have to have an attitude all the time. She does things that make me mad. That kind of rebellious stuff. I always tell her I love her and am here for her, though, because I hope that her “teenager” years are over soon.

For her biological father, it’s the other way around. She loves him so much. I have no idea why. For some reason, he never shows up to her games and always finds a reason not to see her. Last month, he forgot her birthday, and she cried herself to sleep.

Anyway, I went to her room on Friday to read her messages and check her phone. This won’t happen every time, but she’s been caught sneaking out twice in the last month, so this is her punishment. When I ask for the phone, she tells me, “No, leave me alone. I’m tired of you looking at my stuff.”

When I say I’m not going to ask again, she says, “You’re not my real dad.” You’ve never been. “Stop acting like you know what I should do,” he said, then he got up and slammed the door. As I already said, guys. I’m worn out. I’m sick of the obvious disrespect. Of taking the verbal beating while still taking care of her more than anyone else in her family.

We haven’t talked since breakfast this morning. She asked me to pay for her plane tickets so she could go across the state to see her boyfriend. Because, as I already said, her mom doesn’t work, I would normally pay for it. Not now. “Go ask your real dad,” I told her. I knew she was hurt. Her eyes were filled with tears, and she got up from the table.

Later, my wife pulled me aside and told me what I said was very rude. I told her that treating me like a doormat and a credit card is disrespectful, and I would not stand for it anymore in my house. I told her that we don’t have to be friends, but she can find someone else to pay for her silly things if she can’t even be nice to me or respect my authority.