The narrative of a father and son reveals a story of love, suffering, and atonement with difficult choices and surprising results. Both battle the hurt of the past and look for their own way to healing in the middle of emotional highs and lows and a desire for forgiveness.

I married my ex-wife when we were just 21 years old. Parenthood came shortly after, but as our son got older, our relationship started to fall apart. We ended our marriage when he was about eleven or twelve years old. It took my wife by surprise, but by then our relationship had soured and we were living more like strangers than lovers.

It was excruciating to move out, particularly with my son’s pain still fresh in my mind. I tried to be in his life all the time, but he pushed me away, confused and angry. After the divorce was finalized, our son’s animosity toward me only intensified even though custody was divided. I honored his desire to stay out of his life, giving gifts and going to his events from a distance in the hopes that he would eventually get it.

But his rejection sent me into a depressing state where I thought I had lost him for life. Ultimately, creating a new life with my wife and our kids gave me comfort. Then, once he became a father himself, my son suddenly contacted me to ask for forgiveness and reconciliation. Though I felt a range of emotions at his words, I was unable to answer.

Though he persisted in trying to get in touch, I said nothing, not sure how to handle the range of complicated feelings his return evoked. Though writing a last note made everything clearer, I was afraid of the consequences and resisted sending it. When I at last told my wife, she encouraged me to think again and promoted forgiveness and openness. My parents and I became tense as our argument grew, and I felt alone.

My loved ones’ understanding and support continue to be my lighthouse as I struggle with the weight of my choice, divided as I am between closure and maintaining the tranquility I have found.